What Happily Married Couples Do

In the January 2012 Ensign I came across a really great article called "What Happily Married Couples Do." It really stuck out to me because I'm always trying to think of ways that I can improve myself in our marriage. Anyone who is married knows that marriage can be really hard at times but at other times, it can be the greatest thing in the world! Since Garrett was away for a year and a half of our marriage, I felt like I didn't really need to improve our relationship because we were apart from each other and our only way of communicating and seeing each other was through Skype and Facebook. It was easy for us to get along because there were no second opinions and there was no one to get in your way or do something the right or wrong way. But don't get me wrong...there were times where it was still really hard and we found little things to argue about. 


Since Garrett recently returned home after being gone for so long I knew that there were going to be some things that we would need to work on. People would always tell me that it would take a while for us to adjust living together again and being around each other again. I always thought those people were crazy and I thought that they must not have a very good relationship in their marriage if they felt that way. Well, to my surprise, they were right. I was so happy to be with Garrett again and have our family back together but I will be the first to tell you that it IS really hard having them come home after being away for some long. Now there was someone else to have an opinion and someone else to make a mess, etc. I found myself becoming irritated and thinking "This was so much easier when I was alone." I did things MY way and did things when I wanted to and didn't have anyone saying anything about it. I would often have to stop myself and take a step back and realize that this is my life now and it's the way it is supposed to be. I should be grateful that Garrett is back home with us. And, I am. So when I came across this article, it was exactly what I needed to hear. The ten things that they suggest to become happier as a couple were the perfect things that I needed to hear so that I can become a better wife to my husband and so we can continue to strengthen our relationship and become happier :) 


Here are the ten things they suggest:


1. Have positive conversations. This is a good one for me because I find myself complaining a lot or always pointing out the negative. 
2. Show affection. Garrett and I are good about this one. There is nothing I love more than holding hands in public and always hugging and kissing :)
3. Remember that you are each other's therapists. I feel that I am really good about talking to Garrett about everything that is going on in my life. He is the first person I'll go to when I need someone to talk to/listen. This is a really good one!
4. Be humble and cultivate Christlike attributes. This one is a hard one for me. A lot of times I find myself thinking that I'm always right in an argument and it takes a lot for me to humble myself and say sorry and decide to resolve an issue together. 
5. Date frequently. I think this one is SO important, especially if you have kids. Since moving away from family, Garrett and I haven't been able to go on a date alone. I think it's so important to take a break from the kiddos and have time for just yourselves away from the house. 
6. Enrich your intimacy. I liked in this article where he says "Intimacy should not be used as a punishment or a weapon to hurt the other spouse or reward "good behavior." I've heard a lot of times when one of the spouses does something that they feel should be rewarded and they use sex as that reward. I feel that that is wrong. I think that both husband and wife should be on the same page with it. If one doesn't want to do it, the other should respect that.
7. Spend time with children and grandchildren. I like this one. In here it says that a wife will have a hard time feeling affection toward her husband if he mistreats or is unkind to their children. The reverse is also true. I agree 100% with that. 
8. Seek feedback and help each other. Ask each other what you can both do to better yourselves in your relationship. Be honest with each other in your answers or things will never get resolved.
9. Eliminate anger. This is definitely one I need to be better about. I am the queen at letting little things upset me. It says in here that "Anger is a destroyer or marriage and families." Since reading this I have definitely been better at thinking twice before letting something upset me.
10. Be sensitive to each other's stress levels. I really like this one because lately I have been so stressed with Sawyer and his crazy temper tantrums that he loves to throw and at the end of the day I am just beat. It's nice when Garrett comes home and can help take the stress off of my shoulders and pitch in a little bit. It also helps a lot if he doesn't get stressed when Sawyer is being naughty. It helps me cool off a little and start again. 


Another thing that really helps me when I'm feeling angry towards Garrett or if I'm upset about something is to think back to why you married your spouse in the first place and go back to the way you felt and remember the promises you made to each other at marriage. It helps me a lot :) Hopefully these little tips will come in as handy for you as they did for me :) Happy marriage!! :)